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Friday, March 31st, 2006
7:22 pm - Wired, sleep-deprived, and I don't plan to rest until Sunday night

If I were to ever become a drag queen, I think I'd become a big black woman and have people call me Aunt Jamima. I would call everyone "Hunnychile" and the world would be at peace.

This is SO getting cross-posted.

current mood: crazy

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Monday, December 26th, 2005
12:00 pm - Remnants of heartbreak

I just found on MySpace (I hate MySpace) that my first boyfriend, my first "true" love, a man to whom I was more or less engaged (rings and planning and such), is in a relationship which sounds as magical and consuming as the one that we once had.

I went to his page to leave a "Happy Holidays" comment, and noticed he'd put some info on his profile like, "In A Relationship"...I knew he'd been in one since us, but had read a heartbroken blog about the same time my last boyfriend and I had broken up. So I thought he may not have changed it since...but remembered that he didn't have anything there before.

I read the top comment on his profile...it was from his new love, saying how much he loves waking up next to him (my first), feeling his heart beat against him, and how much he loves him.

Then I did something even more stupid...I went to the new love's page and read his blog, the latest about my first love...how much he loves my first love, and about fate, and all the sort, how much he wants to start a life together and...yeah.

I'm happy for him- I've always committed everything to his happiness, never wanting to cause any stress or pain to him. So, I'm happy for him, that he's found someone that makes him feels as rockin' as I seemed to when we were together.

However, my heart is always with him...and any faint hope I may have had tucked away in the recesses of my soul is now...yeah. I don't know why it still has my heartbreaking and my eyes tearing...but it does. I never stopped loving him. I've been with an excessive (not grossly excessive, but more than I thought I was capable of) amount of guys since in attempts to shake the feelings...I've even been in a serious relationship- one that lasted even longer than with my first love. I'm exclusively dating a really great guy who's seemed to meet all my apparently high standards...but these standards were all set to my first love...and it feels like noone can or ever will live up to him- which I know I shouldn't make that comparison...but my heart...is with him...is in pain.

current mood: heartpained

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Wednesday, November 9th, 2005
11:27 pm - Meeting

So this was a fun meeting. I mean, it seems we got stuff done and just hung out. That's cool. I mean, it'll be cool to do more activities, but just chillin' and makin' friends is pretty neat as well. There's really nothing bad to be said about a meeting at which there is lap-dancing. Heh.

Yeah...So, I'm excited 'bout this potential fundraiser, possibly just because I'm in a dancey mood...but who knows? It'll be great to combine all of our talents- art, cooking, acting, dancing, to show what The Family can do, that it's a really fun group, and for a good cause.

To be honest, when I first went to The Family, I was afraid it would be some big pride celebration, we're-here-we're-queer activist meeting place...but in actuality, it's very casual, very fun, and unoffensive. I look forward to each week's meeting. 'Tis a good thing.

current mood: energetic

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